Father's Day and Complicated Feelings — You're Allowed to Feel Both

Father's Day is this Sunday. And if your relationship with your father is — or was — complicated, painful, distant, or simply absent, the next few days might feel like navigating a minefield.

The cards. The social media posts. The restaurant specials. The well-meaning "Happy Father's Day!" texts that assume everyone has a straightforward, celebratory relationship with a living, present dad.

For a lot of people, none of that applies. And the gap between what the holiday assumes and what's actually true for you can bring up feelings that are hard to name and even harder to know what to do with.

This is for you.

The Many Faces of Father's Day Grief

There is no single version of complicated Father's Day feelings. They can look like:

Grief for a father who passed away — the holiday becoming a fresh reminder of absence every single year, sometimes hitting harder than you expected even years later.

Grief for a father who is still alive but was never really there — emotionally absent, checked out, more of a concept than a presence. This grief is particularly complicated because it often comes with the unspoken message that you shouldn't be grieving someone who is technically still alive.

Anger toward a father who was harmful, abusive, or who left. Anger that might coexist with love, which makes it even more confusing to sit with.

Ambivalence about a relationship that was inconsistent — sometimes warm, sometimes cold, sometimes wonderful and sometimes deeply hurtful. Not knowing how to feel because both things were true.

Relief mixed with guilt — for people who have had to distance themselves from a father for their own wellbeing, and who feel the complicated mix of freedom and grief that comes with that.

None of these experiences are wrong. All of them make complete sense.

The Father Wound and What It Carries

Our relationship with our fathers shapes us in ways that often don't become fully visible until adulthood. How we relate to authority. Whether we feel fundamentally worthy of love and protection. How safe we feel taking up space in the world. Our relationship with our own voice and confidence.

When that foundational relationship was painful, absent, or inconsistent, it leaves an imprint. Not a life sentence — an imprint. Something that can be understood, worked through, and gradually healed.

But it starts with allowing yourself to acknowledge that it affected you. That you didn't just "get over it." That the little version of you who needed something different deserved that, regardless of what the circumstances were.

How to Take Care of Yourself This Weekend

You don't have to pretend the holiday isn't happening. And you don't have to perform feelings you don't have. Here are a few things that might help:

Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up without judging it. Grief and anger and relief and love can all exist simultaneously. You don't have to pick one.

Limit your social media if the posts are hard. There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself from a feed full of content that highlights what you don't have.

Do something that's genuinely for you. A walk, time with people who feel safe, something that grounds you in the present rather than pulling you into the past.

Name what you're grieving — even just to yourself. "I'm grieving the father I needed." "I'm grieving the relationship we never had." Naming it gives it somewhere to go.

You're Allowed to Have Complicated Feelings About a Holiday

Holidays that center on relationships carry weight for everyone whose relationship with that person is layered. You're not being dramatic. You're not ruining anyone's day by feeling what you feel privately.

You're just human, navigating something that the greeting card industry never quite accounts for.

If Father's Day brings up grief, anger, or feelings you haven't known what to do with, therapy can be a space to finally process them. Sowania Germain, LMHC, works with women navigating complicated family relationships, grief, and the wounds that don't always have a name. Reach out whenever you're ready.